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Why do stage-struck maidens clamor
to be actin' in the drammer?

We've heard say
You are gay
Night and day.
We drink water from a dipper,
you drink champagne from a slipper.

Tho' it seems
Crool to bust
All your dreams,
Still I must.
Here's the truth, I tell you:

Life upon the wicked stage ain't ever what a girl supposes.
Stagedoor Johnnies aren't raging over you with gems and roses.
When you let a feller hold your hand
(which means an extra beer or sandwich),
ev'rybody whispers, "Ain't her life a whirl?"

Though you're warned against a roué ruining your reputation
when you've played around
the one night trade around a great big nation,
wild old men who give you jewels and sables
only live in Aesop's fables.
Life upon the wicked stage ain't nothing for a girl.

Though we've listen'd to you moan and grieve, you
Must pardon us if we do not believe you.
There is no doubt you're crazy about your awful stage.

I admit it's fun to smear my face with paint,
causing ev'ryone to think I'm what I ain't.
And I like to play a demi mondy role with soul!
Ask the hero, does he like the way I lure
when I play a hussy or a paramour?
Yet when once the curtain's down my life is pure,
and how I dread it!

Life upon the wicked stage ain't ever what a girl supposes.
Stagedoor Johnnies aren't raging over you with gems and roses.
If some gentlemen would talk with reason,
I would cancel all next season.
Life upon the wicked stage ain't nothin' for a girl.

You'd be back the season after!

(8 measure dance break)

I got virtue but it ain't been tested.
No one's even interested.
Life upon the wicked stage ain't nothing for a girl.